What follows is a journal entry I wrote on December 1, 2014.
I kind of half-assed my way through Stoic week, and certainly didn’t give it the effort it deserved. My excuse is that I was trying to be a good parent, and neglected the Stoic Week practice for that.
Anyway, I do feel I came away with some useful nuggets.
One of Stoicism’s main ideas is to be conscious of what’s under your control and what isn’t. It’s a concept that can and should be discussed at length, but I’m not going to do that here. Instead, here’s a particular application:
When I’m faced with a tough situation, I can choose to focus my efforts on the things I control, and to base my assessments of how things are going on things under my control. Since the only thing I can really directly control is myself, this means that instead of dwelling on how awful the situation is, or how great a transgression I’ve suffered, or even on questions like “how on earth am I going to fix this one”, I can instead focus on my own internal processes. Am I maintaining my composure? Am I thinking about things in the ways I think best? Am I falling prey to human failings that I’ve already learned how to overcome?
I find that when I think in this way, I can maintain my focus and composure in stressful situations much better. I’m in some sense relieved of concern over things outside my control, and can focus on things that I can actually impact - that is on my own behavior.
The second point also has to do with my attitude when facing adversity. As one studying philosophy, mindfulness, equanimity, non-violent communication, peaceful parenting, and so on, I am putting a lot of effort into training myself to perform in ways I’d prefer, especially in adverse situations. I spend a lot of time thinking through the best ways to deal with conflicts, working out how to interact more effectively and lovingly with my family and friends. If I choose to take the Stoics’ advice, I put effort into visualizing adverse events and practicing responding to them with composure.
So, when adversity arrives, how will I respond? The common tendency is to react emotionally - to think of how awful it is to be facing adversity. ”Oh man, here we go again”, or “Oh no, I can’t believe this is happening”, or “Why me?” reactions come to mind easily. But having prepared myself, I can choose to respond with strength. ”This is what I’ve been training for.” ”It’s time.”
I analogize it to the way emergency responders feel about facing adversity.
Firemen train to save life and property. When the time comes, they do not bemoan the awfulness of the situation, they respond with strength. ”Let’s do this.” It’s not that they’re happy there’s a fire. Quite the opposite, in fact. But they’re ready. They’ve been trained to do this, and it’s their time to shine. I can do the same when I meet adversity. Even though I’m (hopefully) not facing a burning building, when my kids are screaming and I’m exhausted I can think “This is what I’ve been training for. Time to execute. Let’s go.”